Following Freaky Friday, it’s now Sci-Fi Saturday and Sci-Fi Sunday here on the blog, so here goes . . .
I forget whether someone e-mailed this to me after Episode I or Episode II was released (I think it was episode I), but it’s all over the ‘Net, so in honor of the release of Episode III, we present:
You might be a redneck Jedi if . . .
- You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y’all."
- Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
- You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm
Strawberry Hill. - At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
- You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
- You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
- You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
- You ever lost a hand during a light saber fight because you had to spit.
- The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
- Wookies are offended by your B.O.
- You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t
have to wait for a commercial. - You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
- Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark
side…it’ll be a hoot." - You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy
to get the barbecue grill to light. - You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
- Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a
pretty good handle on how to treat his women. - You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as "them
damn Yankees." - You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
- You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with red wood deck.
- You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the
cantina scene.
I don’t approve of all these, but some are reall funny. My favorite is #13.
Add your own in the combox! (But keep it clean.)
Alright here goes:
You have a lightsword rack in your pickup.
You outfitted the Millennium Falcon with an 8-track deck.
You used the force to crush a beer can on your head.
You have tried to engage Yoda in a burping contest.
Your X-Wing Navigation unit uses the term ‘over yonder’
You were trained by a Jedi Knight named Bubba
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
When engaging a vicious Sith Lord in battle you yell to your friends, “Hey y’all, watch this!”
You have used a force pull to start your lawn mower because your arm was so tired.
You use the Jedi Mind trick to pick up women at bars.
You use “just a little” force grip on your wife when she’s talking during the football game.
“May the 32 be with you”.
You think Princess Leia is the prettiest thing you’ve seen in seven galaxies.
You watch Dukes of Hazard and … hold a … lightsaber …
Oh dear, I am afraid I am not too good at this…
While fixing the hand that you cut off trying clean under you fingernails with you light saber, the medical droid says, “I thought you smelt bad on the outside!”
Your broken down x-wing has a bumper sticker on it that says, “My other transport is the Millennium Falcon.”
You dislike your mother-in-law so much that after she tells you on the phone she is coming to stay for the weekend you freak out and – shoot the phone, yell “Boring conversation anyway, WERE GOING TO HAVE COMPANY”, and try to shove yourself down the garbage disposal to escape.
When you invite your fiends over for a party after the bar more than one of them says upon entering your house, “What a wonderful smell you have discovered.” You also hear one of the men tell his wife on the porch, “Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care what you smell.”
You got the idea to bring down ATAT’s with tow ropes from your last deer hunting trip.
The neighbors called the authorities out to your house because you are shooting small animals with you spaceship. When the authorities ask why in heavens name you are blasting animals with a gigantic spaceship you reply, “For the love of the force, look at the size of ‘dem rats, they got to be bigger than 2 meters. It’s the only thing that I have found that will bring them down. I was just about to resort to using tow cables!”
You might be in a faith community if …
A reader, John S, writes saying: I am hoping that you can help me. I’m trying to figure out what…
You have rewired your R-2 unit to be a bug-zapper.
More than two cousins breathe funny and tell you “Luke, you are my father”.
Your pod racer has a decal on the back with a black number 3 in a circle.
You’ve been given a citation for shooting Ewoks from a moving land cruiser.
You bought a Ronco LyteSaber(tm) from one of those TV ads and it works almost as good as a real one.
I just keep picturing a shotgun wedding between jar jar binks and some redneck daughter. Q: “Do you take this woman…?” A: “Me do.”
OK since we are poking fun at the south I might as well even it out and poke fun of us here in the north. Some cross-religious humor… from a Lutheran
You might be a Lutheran Jedi if…
1. When someone says, “May the force be with you” and you subconsciously reply, “And also with you.”
2. You change lightsabers to match the proper color on the Liturgical Calendar.
3. When you hear of the great battle between the green and red you don’t think of Luke and Darth Vader in a Lightsaber battle but the battle over Hymnals.
4. When you see Jaba the Hut it reminds you that you have to make a jello mold for the pancake breakfast on Sunday.
5. Your transport is the Millennium Wagon, it has fake wood paneling and the secret compartments hold groceries.
6. You think that Hoth would be a nice place to settle and raise a family.
1: You’ve used The Force to get a beer without leaving the sofa.
Most of those go back well before Episode I; I remember seeing those in the late 90s.
If you actually unknowingly kissed your long lost twin sister you are NOT a Redneck Jedi. If you have knowingly kissed your cousin and it didn’t bother you… then you ARE a Redneck Jedi!!
If you have ever raised your light saber over your head and declared “From my cold, dead hands…”